I have chosen the
article “Stop Worrying about Raising a Mama’s Boy” by, KJ Dell’Antonia. This article is from The New York Times, March 29th 2012. As I read this article, I was made aware that
boys can be stereotyped if they are overly attached to their mother, even at a
young age. This article relates to our
class, especially the section we studied on “Learning Gender.”
“What’s a “mama’s
boy”? A wimp of course, a child tied too
tightly to his mother’s apron’s strings, overly sensitive, incapable of
detaching, ready to “run to mama” at the slightest hint of diversity”
(Dell’Antonia, 2012). This quote is
powerful and yet so true in today’s society.
Men and boys are supposed to be “strong” and “tough”, not someone who
shows a strong emotional attachment to their mother. We can see the “mama’s boy” stereotype on
television as Robert, the awkward brother on “Everybody Loves Raymond.” This article shows us how mothers are urged
by others; and by society to push their sons away at a certain point in their
lives, such as starting school or becoming a teenager. One mother says “It was like some kind of
shameful secret when we started to reveal how close we were to our [adult]
sons” (Dell’Antonia, 2012). This mother
also mentions how she also has a daughter and how she would never feel
embarrassed to tell others how close they are.
This article also explains how most mothers are going against their instincts
to be affectionate and loving toward their sons, instead they will tell them to
“man up” or “shake it off” because that is what society believes a man should
do.
There are many
ways in which one can try and understand why boys and men are raised to not be “wimpy”
and cling to their mothers. One article
that we read in class by Judith Lorber “The Social Construction of Gender”
speaks of gendered patterns of interaction.
Lorber says that “these patterns acquire additional layers of gendered sexuality,
parenting, and work behaviors in childhood, adolescence, and adulthood”
(Lorber, 1994). Basically, depending on
if you’re a boy or a girl, there are socially imposed standards and because of
this, each gender will be treated differently.
Boys will be made tougher by not allowing them to cling to their mothers
and become “mama’s boys.” When boys are
raised to not be “mama’s boys” and to be masculine instead, this continues on
into adulthood. In David Wexler’s article “Shame-O-Phobia”, we are
introduced to an adult man who becomes shamed to do something feminine such as
carry his wife’s purse. Wexler states in
his article that “Men who’ve experienced toxic doses of shame early in life
will do anything to avoid re-experiencing it as they grow older” (Wexler,
2010). In other words, it is shameful to
be a “mama’s boy” and be called “wimpy.”
It is portrayed that if a boy is a “mama’s boy”, this type of humiliation
could follow him throughout his life and cause him to be ashamed to do anything
feminine.
Some new
information in the article “Stop Worrying about Raising a Mama’s Boy” that we
did not see too much of in class was the fierce determination of mothers who
want to have a close relationship to their sons without having them
labeled. In the article, you can hear a
mothers pride when her ten year old son still wants to hold her hand in
public. She does not care what others
think, nor will it stop her from being affectionate to him. The gender of a child should not alter the
affection that you give them. More
mothers today are showing their sons the same affections they are showing their
daughters and resisting societal pressures more than ever.
References
Dell’Antonia, K. “Stop Worrying about Raising a Mama’s Boy.” The New
York Times. March 29, 2012. http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/29/stop-worrying-about-raising-a-mamas-boy/?scp=10&sq=feminism&st=cse#.
Wexler, D. “Shame-O-Phobia.” “Women’s
Voices, Feminist Visions.” (141-144). 2012.
Lorber, J. “The Social Construction of Gender.” “Women’s
Voices, Feminist Visions.” (126-128). 2012.
