Blog 2: Stop Worrying about Raising a Mama's Boy

I have chosen the article “Stop Worrying about Raising a Mama’s Boy” by, KJ Dell’Antonia.  This article is from The New York Times, March 29^th 2012.  As I read this article, I was made aware that boys can be stereotyped if they are overly attached to their mother, even at a young age.  This article relates to our class, especially the section we studied on “Learning Gender.” 

“What’s a “mama’s boy”?  A wimp of course, a child tied too tightly to his mother’s apron’s strings, overly sensitive, incapable of detaching, ready to “run to mama” at the slightest hint of diversity” (Dell’Antonia, 2012).  This quote is powerful and yet so true in today’s society.  Men and boys are supposed to be “strong” and “tough”, not someone who shows a strong emotional attachment to their mother.  We can see the “mama’s boy” stereotype on television as Robert, the awkward brother on “Everybody Loves Raymond.”  This article shows us how mothers are urged by others; and by society to push their sons away at a certain point in their lives, such as starting school or becoming a teenager.  One mother says “It was like some kind of shameful secret when we started to reveal how close we were to our [adult] sons” (Dell’Antonia, 2012).  This mother also mentions how she also has a daughter and how she would never feel embarrassed to tell others how close they are.  This article also explains how most mothers are going against their instincts to be affectionate and loving toward their sons, instead they will tell them to “man up” or “shake it off” because that is what society believes a man should do.

There are many ways in which one can try and understand why boys and men are raised to not be “wimpy” and cling to their mothers.  One article that we read in class by Judith Lorber “The Social Construction of Gender” speaks of gendered patterns of interaction.  Lorber says that “these patterns acquire additional layers of gendered sexuality, parenting, and work behaviors in childhood, adolescence, and adulthood” (Lorber, 1994).  Basically, depending on if you’re a boy or a girl, there are socially imposed standards and because of this, each gender will be treated differently.  Boys will be made tougher by not allowing them to cling to their mothers and become “mama’s boys.”  When boys are raised to not be “mama’s boys” and to be masculine instead, this continues on into adulthood.  In David   Wexler’s article “Shame-O-Phobia”, we are introduced to an adult man who becomes shamed to do something feminine such as carry his wife’s purse.  Wexler states in his article that “Men who’ve experienced toxic doses of shame early in life will do anything to avoid re-experiencing it as they grow older” (Wexler, 2010).  In other words, it is shameful to be a “mama’s boy” and be called “wimpy.”  It is portrayed that if a boy is a “mama’s boy”, this type of humiliation could follow him throughout his life and cause him to be ashamed to do anything feminine.

Some new information in the article “Stop Worrying about Raising a Mama’s Boy” that we did not see too much of in class was the fierce determination of mothers who want to have a close relationship to their sons without having them labeled.  In the article, you can hear a mothers pride when her ten year old son still wants to hold her hand in public.  She does not care what others think, nor will it stop her from being affectionate to him.  The gender of a child should not alter the affection that you give them.  More mothers today are showing their sons the same affections they are showing their daughters and resisting societal pressures more than ever.

References

Dell’Antonia, K.  “Stop Worrying about Raising a Mama’s Boy.”  The New York Times. March 29, 2012.  http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/29/stop-worrying-about-raising-a-mamas-boy/?scp=10&sq=feminism&st=cse#.

Wexler, D.  “Shame-O-Phobia.”  “Women’s Voices, Feminist Visions.” (141-144). 2012.

Lorber, J.  “The Social Construction of Gender.”  “Women’s Voices, Feminist Visions.” (126-128). 2012.