Interview With My Mother

I interviewed my mother Antonia Simon, a loving, outgoing and outstanding women that was born in 1955 and grew up in Grosse Point, Michigan. I thought that she would be a perfect person to conduct this interview with because my mother gave up much of her life, her education and her career to be with the man she loved, and to become the typical “housewife” that has been discussed in many chapters throughout this course. Antonia grew up in a large Italian family with one brother and three sisters. Her experiences growing up were different than many others that lived near her because her family was very ethnic and her parents moved to America when they were both in high school. Her father was a very successful attorney and her mother was a stay at home mom. “I always adored and looked up to my mother. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up, my dream was also to be a stay at home mother and dedicate my life to my children,” she explains, and that is exactly what she did. I realized that this reflected the lecture on socialization. Gender socialization was defined as, “The process through which we learn the gender norms of our culture and acquire a gendered sense of ourselves.” In my mothers case, the gender norms of her culture and coming from an Italian, old-fashioned family, it was typical for one to give up their lives and dedicated themselves to becoming a stay at home mother. This is what she believed was normal for women to do when as they grew up, and even though she tried to gain her own education, she still fell back into the gender socialization of what she thought was right. However, as stated in the lecture “gender socialization is a life long process of learning how to perform one’s gender.” As my mom grew through experiences her views and beliefs of the norms began to change. What she once believed was normal for her gender and her culture was altered.

During this face-to-face interview, I focused on questions of her childhood experiences and what it was like growing up in a large family. They lived in a two-story home; she shared a bedroom and bathroom with her oldest sister. She got along with her family members and explained that fights were those of typical sisterly conflicts when growing up in the same home, wearing the same clothes, and sharing makeup were the center of discussions. They all attended the same high school Grosse Pointe North, and

It was in high school, age fifteen, that my mother met my father, Jeffrey DeClaire. “I knew the second I saw him that I was going to marry him.” However, her life did not exactly go as she planned.

When I began to ask questions about her educational experiences she explained that she regretted the choices she made with her education. After graduating high school, my mother went off to Western Michigan University, while my father went to University of Michigan. They stayed together during this time apart, however, after only two short years, my mother dropped out of college and married my father at a very young age of 21. I was surprised by how young she was and how normal it was for two people to get married at an age like this back then. I recalled back to the reading “The Feminine Mystique,” and saw the statistics of marriage during the fifties. “By the end of the nineteen-fifties, the average marriage age of women in America dropped to 20, and was still dropping, into the teens.” It is extremely shocking to me how women would simply marry at such young ages, and it was somewhat normal to not gain an education for oneself. Friedan also explains, “By the mid-fifties, 60 per cent dropped out of college to marry.” This is exactly what my mother did.

“I did this because I loved your father and knew that the only way he would make it through medical school was with my financial help.” During this time my mother got a secretarial job and paid my fathers way through school to help him further his education. Even though she describes this as one of her “regrets,” she explains that she does not completely regret her decisions because my father would not be the successful doctor that helps so many people that he is today. “The only thing I regret is living my life for a man, and instead of getting my own education, I allowed my husband to get one, not thinking about the possibility of a divorce.” Sixteen years later after they had their three children they got a divorce. “That is the time that a college education would have come in handy for me.” Being a single, unemployed mother without a degree was hard during this time, but she made her way through it and was thrilled to have her children with her through this difficult journey. I was surprised by her hesitation to the word “regret.” Many people would view her decision to drop out of college and become a stay at home mother as a regret because of what happened between my mother and father. However, even though she did view this as a significant set back and somewhat regretted not getting a degree, she was hesitant to use that word because she would not have the life she does today and she would not have her three wonderful children if she had left my father when she was in college.

Antonia Simon: ASimon1056@gmail.com

Betty Friedan: “The Feminine Mystique”

Adriane Brown Lecture: “Learning Gender”